I watch as the trees gradually let go of their leaves, creating a beautiful carpet of magnificent hues outside my window. Cooler temperatures roll in, and soon thick snow flurries will drape the entire landscape like a blanket.
As the year is soon coming to a close, I’m pondering on the impact of endings. It’s usually around this time that the emotions build up and start messing with my mind. I want to hold on just a little longer, refusing to let things go.
Endings bring about new beginnings, as one converges with the other. I accept that life is a constant movement. As reality dawned upon me, I’m feeling the discomfort of having to sit through a transition, some of which I’m not prepared or ready to shift.
This moment of reflection forces me to embrace the sadness and confusion that are associated with endings. Yet, I know that the life I once knew will never again be.
In every beginning is the inescapable part where it ends. With every ending, there’s the promise of a new beginning.
Regardless of the events or circumstances, the common thread throughout this journey is me. There are plans I had at the beginning that will never come to fruition because certain people and places are no longer a part of my life. The heartache remains nearly as painful as when it first took place.
Everything changes so fast. It caught me by surprise that people can suddenly go from those I know to those I used to know. It’s difficult to look back, but it’s in these moments of reflection that I discover fragments of myself, parts of me misplaced and lost in the process. Without these pieces, I cannot peacefully continue my journey.
I recognize that although everything seems to fall apart on the outside, it’s also coming together in the most unexpected ways. While part of me yearns for life as it used to be, I am mindful of how much I have changed. Even unpleasant experiences leave behind valuable lessons that wouldn’t come about otherwise.
I must change gears, regardless of whether or not it’s my choice. The uneasiness, the discomfort— it serves a purpose. Every closed door and stopping point causes the path to diverge, which calls for constant steps forward.
Just as we can’t expect to keep the heart safe, the year cannot unfold in perfect happiness, and we can’t expect to grow in complete perfection all at once.
Often, we hasten to the next thing to occupy our time, hardly pausing long enough to gather an understanding or find the closure we need from ourselves so we can move forward with appreciation.
In every beginning is the inescapable part where it ends. With every ending, there’s the promise of a new beginning. It’s common to be in the middle of an experience and not value it enough to savor the moment. As much as we desire, every moment does not come complete with sparkles and sprinkles of glitter.
We’re constantly trading one sorrow for another, one joy for another. At other times, it’s sorrow for a moment of happiness or joy for sadness. But we cannot choose one without indirectly opting for the other. That’s why when tears roll down my face, the heart comprehends more than words can express.
I had my fair share of losses and disappointments throughout the year. Some are painful. Some are full of shame. Yet I refuse to dwell on regrets, except perhaps a tinge of sadness on how it ultimately turned out.
Before the year ends, I want to confront each moment with an open heart. To fully embrace the pleasant memories, as well as make peace with the negative and unpleasant ones. By doing this, I will avoid having to drag any unresolved issues into the coming year. It is possible to mourn past endings while anticipating new beginnings.
I’m equally tempted at this point to retreat and guard my heart against any possibility of future hurts. Why have new friends when you know they too will eventually move on? No more fresh adventures because goodbye is too difficult. Opening to love means taking the emotional risk of having to feel exposed and vulnerable.
Growth demands that we move on. Staying stuck accomplishes nothing except hinders us from expanding and coming into the fullness of who we are. Just as we can’t expect to keep the heart safe, the year cannot unfold in perfect happiness, and we can’t expect to grow in complete perfection all at once.
The end of the year is a time to put life into perspective. Regardless of your age, you hesitatingly come face to face with reality. You have a choice to leap into the coming year with courage and excitement. Or you could choose to journey on dragging along unhealed hurts, unresolved issues, and the disappointment of unmet needs.
Whatever you do, remember that the winds of change will continue to blow on you like sprouted dandelion heads that you have no control over except to watch the seeds float away.