This post originally appeared here on Medium.
Even If They Leave Remember You Are Enough
Humans are complex creatures. While some people’s minds tick a bit differently than others, everyone carries some kind of burden we know little of. When problems arise, we assume and misinterpret.
We confuse matters by diagnosing reality as more complicated than they are. We experience conflict with others because everyone has a different model of reality. Why are people so difficult to understand?
I think about the people who stay in my life through thick and thin. They stay because they want to, out of love and care. I don’t have to convince them or provide reasons why they should. They don’t want to see me alone and would do anything to make me feel loved and supported. They are part of the most beautiful chapters of my life. I can count on them to lift me and help me live authentically.
Then some others leave, no matter how much I want them to stay. They do so because their time is up or because they feel they must. Those who want to go will do so eventually. They come to fulfill a purpose and then move on. Forcing the situation will only create stress.
We must accept that not everyone will have our backs when needed. It’s tough knowing those who say they love us would one day leave us questioning their loyalty and words. Not everyone will stay because that’s how life is.
— Esther George, Purposefullifenow.com
I value the lessons and experiences gained from those connections. As much as their absence hurts, it is best to let them go. There’s no point holding someone up when their heart is no longer present.
We must accept that not everyone will have our backs when needed. It’s tough knowing those who say they love us would one day leave us questioning their loyalty and words. Not everyone will stay because that’s how life is.
The hard truth is no one has to stay in a situation they are unwilling to. When people betray or disappoint us, we naturally get upset. We slap labels and call them toxic because they did not show up as expected when we needed them. We often forget we are powerless over how others respond. Perhaps, whatever happens, happens for our good.
During difficult times, I turn to others for support. I expect them to look out for me when my back is against the wall because, without a doubt, I’d do the same. I would sacrifice my time even when it’s inconvenient. Sometimes I’ll show up despite knowing I must put my happiness aside. My idea of giving is whatever I put out must come back in equal measure. That’s called reciprocity, isn’t it right? Unfortunately, I had misunderstood what giving means.
We need to stop imposing unrealistic expectations on others. No one needs to give up their control over a situation to accommodate us. Just because they had always given their attention when we needed it doesn’t mean it has to continue that way.
— Esther George, Purposefullifenow.com
Selfless giving is when we can give our time and energy without expecting personal gains. Sure, there are times when our schedule allows it, and that’s fine. There is no reason to feel guilty for establishing boundaries when circumstances do not permit it. Learning to make choices that are in our best interest means taking responsibility for our own lives.
We need to stop imposing unrealistic expectations on others. No one needs to give up their control over a situation to accommodate us. Just because they had always given their attention when we needed it doesn’t mean it has to continue that way.
Constantly expecting others to rescue us is a victim mentality. People show up for us when they can and because they want to. Walking around with a sense of entitlement will only aggravate matters. We can’t control how others respond or react. How they decide to show up is their prerogative.
Those we love and care about may walk out on us. Some will likely disappoint us, let us down, and sometimes even turn against us. We don’t have to rationalize or start pointing fingers when they do. Regardless of what happens, it is nobody’s fault. Life happens. Getting defensive will not improve the situation. Instead of obsessing over what we can’t control, we can better see the bigger picture if we zoom out and refocus.
Original Photo by Monica Turlui from Pexel
When reality hits hard, people let us down, and promises break, we acquire valuable lessons. We learn truthfulness, first with ourselves and then with others.
We understand the importance of taking responsibility instead of constantly relying on others. We know what it means to put ourselves first and establish boundaries. We realize we can’t push ourselves on people, so we only give when we can, with no strings attached.
Any unpleasant experiences with others are mostly not personal. When the time comes, we let go of those who do not choose us. Instead, we value those who stay and focus on those connections. No matter how secure someone else made us feel, we recognize that we are our own home at the end of the day.
Whether someone comes into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, remember that you are the most important person to yourself. Regardless of what happens, you still have yourself through life’s ups and downs.
You value the people around you when you put yourself first. You notice that resentment, anger, or impulsive behavior is unnecessary as you grow in your comfort. Embrace everyone with open arms because the winds of change will blow. When it does, remember that you are enough.
