This post originally appeared here on Medium.
Don't Let Today Be Loaded With Yesterday's Regrets
I had a broken relationship with Yesterday that I was not willing to let go of. Yesterday has a lot of resonance for me. I held on to the flames of my devotion and wished deep in my heart that it would never burn out.
Wounds remind me of the damage life has inflicted, and my survival speaks of accomplishment. They shaped who I am today. There is one minor problem. I continue to relive those moments. No sooner had I started digging into old wounds, I gave them the power to inflict pain upon me, and they began to bleed again.
Freedom belongs to us every moment. But just because we’re free doesn’t mean we claim ownership of that freedom. We intentionally ignore the fact that as long as we’re behind the wheel of this vehicle called Today, we have the freedom to decide where we want to go. Freedom to think differently. Freedom to choose. Freedom to walk in another direction.
Instead, we choose to cling to the fictitious story of yesterday. We lie to ourselves with these narratives.
“I failed, therefore I’ll never dare to try again.”
“They betrayed me, I’ll never learn to trust again.”
“He broke my heart, I’ll never love again.”
Every time we hit a wall, we’d go around in circles trying to find a new strategy to overcome an old pattern or habit. What we need is not a new strategy but the willingness to cut ties with those patterns that no longer serve us.
— Esther George, Purposefullifenow.com
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Photo by Nathan Salt from Pexels
Every time we hit a wall, we’d go around in circles trying to find a new strategy to overcome an old pattern or habit. What we need is not a new strategy but the willingness to cut ties with those patterns that no longer serve us.
Because of yesterday, I developed areas in my life that were sensitive and easily bruised. I slapped labels, convincing myself that I was a certain way because of my past. When threatened, I became an expert at putting up protective barriers, trying to avoid any pain from recurring.
I don’t believe change is possible, so I continued living behind layers of protection to survive periods of inner turmoil. Over time, those barriers became stronger and my heart became hardened, preventing me from truly living.
How many times have you tried to cover up old fears with new strategies because you can’t see any way around it?
I’ve asked myself some questions.
“How will I express myself if I believe I’ll never have another heartbreak again?”
“What are the things I will attempt if money is not a problem?”
“What kind of content will I produce if I have a readership of over half a million?”
Why let go of yesterday? Because yesterday has already let go of you.
— Steve Maraboli
The possibilities are endless. But the trouble is, I held on to old beliefs. I believed someone may break my heart again. I believed money would always be an issue. I believed I could never have such a large readership.
I was in what feels like a perpetual cycle of low self-esteem with no real motivation to push. That scenario existed in my mind and it became my reality because I’ve already accepted it was so.
I constantly focused on the failures, pains, and fears of yesterday. Sure, I’ve survived multiple wounds. But if I’m not careful, those wounds will remain unhealed and risk bleeding again when I tread the same path and relive that same experience.
For the longest time, I couldn’t open up. I was a private person. Then I met someone who taught me to embrace vulnerability and to accept openness as a strength in myself. It was a life-changing experience until that person broke me and left me shattered.
How do I pick up the pieces? Do I remain in the fortress and lay low from now on? Or do I accept brokenness, adopt a flexible spirit and learn to trust again? Do I want to live the remaining of my life bitter and cautious, or vulnerable and free?
Original Photo by Engin Akyurt: on Pexels
How do we trust that next time around, it will be different? How can we know for sure that we will never fall again? We don’t, and we can’t know.
There’s a 50% chance of everything happening, good and bad. We will never know until we go through it. We don’t live our lives expecting things to go wrong. We live every moment the best we can, embracing all possibilities. If things don’t work out, we just have to believe we’re capable to handle the downfall and move on.
Often, we held on too long to beliefs, mindsets, situations, and people we should have let go of. We assume just because it was so yesterday, it will be that way tomorrow. That’s not true unless you decide it is.
So what if you’ve never spoken publicly? So what if you’ve endured a broken heart three times? So what if you came from a dysfunctional family? So what! That doesn’t mean it has to be that way tomorrow. You don’t need to give up on your pursuit for happiness. You don’t have to stop living. Don’t put a lid on what’s possible for you.
What about me? I believe life will be more meaningful if I continue to embrace vulnerability and let go of fear.
Will I get hurt again? Probably. Will the next person betray my trust? Highly likely. But I will not let that stop me from enjoying the moment’s bliss. I don’t want to miss out on the satisfaction of experiencing a truly remarkable moment even though it might only be temporary.
What’s the worst that could happen? I might end up where I started — but this time I’m better prepared. Isn’t that still a failure? Failure to complete a 10-mile run compared to a 30 mile isn’t the same. In the latter part, your body has adapted to the pressure that prevents you from getting hurt easily. Even if you fail, you’re one level ahead.
Experience comes at a high price and we’ve all paid our dues. We don’t need to continue paying for the wrong reasons. It’s time to pave the way for a different tomorrow, one that doesn’t look like yesterday. What do you choose? Your life is your choice.
