Let It Go And Live
We’ve all been there before. We fight, we fuss, we argue, just so we could manipulate and gain control over circumstances in our lives. We want things and people exactly the way we expect them to be. We feel threatened and vulnerable when it does not turn out in our favor because we resist any call for change and uncertainty. Even if those things that we want to be in control of are not turning out for our highest good.
Let’s face it. No one likes change. And yet Change is one of the natural flows of life that occurs even when we don’t want it. With change comes growth. To change means gaining the ability to be greater than your environment. But Change is hard. Change is uncomfortable. Change is not welcome. Period. Our hackles immediately go up when confronted with the unwelcome presence of any thoughts or feelings which threaten our comfort.
When you get defensive about your security and comfort, you maintain flawed beliefs about yourself and those around you. You reveal to everyone that you feel unsafe and unprotected, and you let it show that you’re not secure in your own views and beliefs. That will further engender in others a greater loss of faith towards you. Life is a constant cycle of tension and release. We are confronted with people, emotions, situations and decisions that push the boundaries of our comfort zone. In an attempt to protect our need to feel safe, we erect the wall of resistance.
Any time you experience any type of conflict or tension, it is an indication that you are in resistance. Resistance simply means the attempt to push away or deny an experience that is undesirable in order to remain in the familiar. When you’re resisting what constitutes your subjective sense of that reality, you’re shying away from it, complaining about it, resenting it, protesting against it, or doing battle with it. Without much realization, your energy and focus are concentrated on not moving beyond and coming to terms with what opposes you. Unconsciously, your impulse toward resistance tends to be about avoiding the more hurtful, or disturbing, aspects of the experience.
In an attempt to justify ourselves, we label people and events based on our illusionary perception, without realizing that those labels shape our reality. The label may be a reasonable reflection of who they are right now, but it also carries a belief that the behavior reflects a person’s essence.
If you find yourself dwelling on how unfair life is and how it always seemed to be someone’s fault that you're feeling miserable, that is the label you place on yourself. You perceive life through the lens of self-victimization. Sure we are innately affected by how others identify us but not as much as how we see ourselves and our world.
You will find it necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles.
– C. Joybell
When you sense your security being threatened, you will try to manipulate people and the environment in an attempt to avoid the possible psychological pain. The more you try to predict and control the external, the more you will suffer the consequences of resistance. Resistance causes pain which leads to suffering.
Suffering is the pain we impose upon ourselves through defenses. We suffer when we believe the lie we tell ourselves in order to avoid the pain life brings. You allow such feelings to afflict you when you focus upon them to the exclusion of everything else. This will sap your energy and worsen your state of mind and feeling.
Although unknown possibilities that come with change can be frightening, the ability to survive the ordeal means having to acknowledge what may be concluding, and having to navigate through the uncertainty and then embracing a new outcome. For many, this is not a risk they are willing to take.
You don’t have to give up on life, but you could give up on your own lies and defenses. You exert control because of what you think will happen if you don’t. Stop expecting reality to fit into your preconceived notion and ideas of how life ought to be. When you realize that it’s not truly up to you and that you simply cannot fix or figure it all out, that is the moment to surrender. You must learn to release the stress. You were never in control anyway. By giving up the urge to control people and situations, you become free and there is an accompanying sense of ease. You open yourself to all sorts of wonderful possibilities that aren’t there when you’re attached to the one “right” path.
By resisting what is, instead of surrendering and riding the wave, you are unconsciously intensifying those hard times. Perhaps it’s that unwanted habit, an unhappy job or a bad relationship that you want to release. Consider allowing it first in order to release it. What is the reason for resisting anyway, if it’s not for the sole purpose of avoiding the possible emotions that we would rather not experience? It is not so much what’s going on that has created the suffering but our reaction towards it. And our reaction towards anything in life would not be so undesirable if we have not labeled them as such. Bad things are only bad because we believe it to be so.
To stay present in everyday life, it helps to be deeply rooted within yourself; otherwise, the mind, which has incredible momentum, will drag you along like a wild river.
– Eckhart Tolle