This post originally appeared here on Medium.
Stop Arguing And Get Your Points Across Peacefully
I turn around and walk away from the scene. The words exchanged were in good intention, but we were defensive. We were building barricades instead of bridges. I could feel it coming. Before a tornado hit both of us, I took a different approach. I choose to act mature and shift my attitude instead.
A mutual friend threw me an exasperated look. Why didn’t I stand firm with my argument? Why didn’t I give the other party a piece of my mind? From her standpoint, I had admitted defeat.
Defeat? Is that what it was, or what it seems to appear? I’m not the type who would stand and argue endlessly to prove a point. Arguments are draining and damaging to my heart and soul. It is a lousy account of a conversation.
After all, what is the purpose of arguing? Is it merely to gain victory at all costs without considering the other person? Is it a way to identify the winner through a series of invalidations?
Different people may have different perspectives, but for me, it’s clear. If we call for a productive conflict, it is to convey our views and get our points across. I want to communicate dissenting opinions without triggering defensiveness so the other person can get the essence of what I’m trying to say. My intention is not solely to win an argument. I am engaging in an exchange of ideas to reach a mutually comfortable resolution.
No matter how much I support my argument with facts, people can and will think whatever they want. When someone assumes they are indisputably correct, they are not in the right frame of mind to listen.
— Purposefullifenow.com
_____________________________
Photo by Ithalu Dominguez from Pexels
Maybe I’m crazy. I should have learned to stand up for myself. But I honestly don’t see the point. I get it that everyone is different. We have distinct personalities, viewpoints, and characters. Most of us come from different backgrounds. None of us are a duplicate of the other. That makes humans so interesting and unique.
I do not want others to cram their opinions down my throat, even if it makes sense to them. If it does not float my boat, it will be difficult for me to flow along. Why would I think it’s okay to insist and exert my ways on them?
Disagree without becoming disagreeable
Perhaps that is why so many of us are unhappy. When someone disagrees with us or doesn’t see eye to eye with us on an issue, we get upset. Discussions become debates and evolve into arguments.
Arguments result in resentment and anger. All because we are not willing to see from a different point of view. We assume all we have to say is all there is. But so does the other person.
Arguments never work for me. When the tension rises, people get personal. Conflict can take on a life of its own. At some point, we must be willing to give so we can get.
No one can be unquestionably accurate or correct, and that includes me. But what if I feel I’m right? Then my strategy is to help them see the situation through my eyes, not to exert it as if they have no choice but to conform.
It’s true that no one ever wins an argument. You might win but risk damaging the relationship. Some may gain the momentary victory but lose respect.
— Purposefullifenow.com
_____________________________
Photo by Ithalu Dominguez from Pexels
No matter how much I support my argument with facts, people can and will think whatever they want. When someone assumes they are indisputably correct, they are not in the right frame of mind to listen.
Granted, not everyone can see from another person’s eyes.
Our upbringing, experiences, learning environment, and beliefs indirectly affect our mindset and our perspectives. We should not expect others to conform without question. Tolerance is neither agreement nor acceptance.
Some encourage arguments in relationships because they claim it helps relationships to grow stronger. Really? I’m sure this is not just me. To me, fights and arguments are reductive, pointless, and exhausting.
Seriously, why can’t we talk and explore rationally with the freedom to disagree without becoming disagreeable? If I’m not seeing your point of view, help me do that by explaining your side. If I still don’t get it, it’s not because I’m against you. It’s because I cannot see your logic.
Original Photo by Keira Burton from Pexels
Be quick to hit the reset button
It’s true that no one ever wins an argument. You might win but risk damaging the relationship. Some may gain the momentary victory but lose respect.
Of course, there are hierarchical structures that require one voice to make the final decision. These may include organizations or family structures. We can do our best to raise our concerns but accept that the final decision may not be in our hands.
We either conform, let go of the issue, or leave. If we must fight, engage wisdom because there are not many problems that are worth fighting over. Let us not hold on to resentment and grudge.
I’ve seen people lash out at each other when arguments broke out during meetings. When it was over the next minute, everyone was talking and laughing as if nothing had happened. Now that is a skill that requires mastering. I can’t say if that’s good or bad. If it works for you, who am I to say otherwise?
If you’re like me, you too believe in the power of pause. We take time out to retreat quietly, to breathe until we can both return respectfully and rationally. If we insist on Hulk mode, we will constantly find ourselves standing amid heaps of smashed and ripped-up junk.
Text Text
