This post originally appeared here on Medium.
I Stop Giving My Power Away
When life happens, they’re the difficulties, the chaos, and hardships we need to deal with. I can’t help but wonder if everyone goes through the same because deep inside, I convince myself that mine was the saddest story there is.
Life rarely turns out the way I expect it. But If I’m honest with myself, every time I look back, I can see that I always made it. Even if it was unpleasant, I always came through. I may not have come out a winner, but I always survived.
The problem was, despite all those overcoming moments, I didn’t see it. All I saw was the poor-me image of myself. I wish I had this or that, I wish I was better. That’s because my focus was constantly on the things I didn’t have.
I allowed that experience to shape me into the person I was because my eyes were constantly on other people.
Reality is nothing but my narrative of what it is. Life could be better, no doubt, but it could also be worse. What made life close to unbearable was because I allowed others to define how or what I should be. My wellbeing depended on external circumstances.
While I used to think that was selfish and inconsiderate, that was actually a good thing. They were smart. They at least know how not to put their lives on the line. They know how to not be a victim.
— purposefullifenow.com
I learned that every problem we encounter, or at least most of it is really problems involving people. They are unappreciative, ungrateful, demanding, and overstepping boundaries. Where does all that leave me? Disappointed, angry, sad, and hopeless.
I gave too much power away. I handed the power for my happiness and fulfillment over to those who were not responsible and didn’t care for my wellbeing. And why should they? The truth is, everyone is looking out for themselves. While I used to think that was selfish and inconsiderate, that was actually a good thing. They were smart. They at least know how not to put their lives on the line. They know how to not be a victim.
Life is not some great mysterious puzzle waiting for me to solve. Life happens moment by moment, day-to-day. Maybe I was greedy. I wanted to take a bigger bite than I could swallow. I wanted assurance. I wanted to know that everything is okay. I wanted to feel safe and secure. While that’s not a crime, where is the fun in that? Where are the adventures?
It's in the struggle to climb up the hill so that I could enjoy the splendid view, the daily endurance that builds resilience, the tenacity to hold on, and the ability to pick myself up over and over again.
One day, just like that, I decided I don’t want to be unhappy anymore. I took things into my own hands to build a life that is acceptable for me. I made a choice to follow my heart.
— purposefullifenow.com
Original Photo by Ali Pazani from Pexels
I let people decide how my day should turn out. If they promised to call but didn’t, I got upset. If they say they’ll drop by but didn’t, I would get angry. If they weren’t around when I needed them, I would feel rejected. I came to a place where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I realize I don’t want to be the victim anymore. I don’t want to be the one who is always on the waiting side.
Perhaps that’s the reason I was unhappy. The reason I was helpless. I was always expecting something from someone who cannot fulfill my needs. One day, just like that, I decided I don’t want to be unhappy anymore. I took things into my own hands to build a life that is acceptable for me. I made a choice to follow my heart.
Suddenly, they notice me. They said I was selfish, inconsiderate, that I cared only for myself. But isn’t that what was happening to them all along? Why is it that when I turn the focus on myself that I become a bad person?
That’s how the world is. It concerns no one when I am quietly in the background, but the moment I choose to stand up for myself, the world takes notice. It’s too late now. I’ve come too far to look back and continue to tell the same story. I’m here today to write a new story. One word at a time, page by page, chapter by chapter. I will craft out a life that is meaningful for me, unapologetically.
While they continue to complain and blame me for their unhappiness, I put one foot in front of the other moment by moment, day by day, claiming back my power because now I see that my life is what I make it out to be.
While I may never know for sure what life has in store, and perhaps challenges and hardship could be just a breath away, I always stand in confidence. Instead of seeing life as an obstacle, I will embrace those moments knowing that I’ve yet to discover the best version of myself.
No matter what’s waiting around the corner, I accept that life can only get better for me. It’s the same for you too. Never forget despite the darkest moment, even when you think you can’t go forward anymore, take one more step. Give it one more push. Hang on. One day you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come.
