Why The Hell Won't I Love Myself?
Why the hell won’t I love myself?
I’ve heard it said that the world will kick you down, spit on you and declare you worthless. Heck, but aren’t we supposed to stand up and fight for ourselves because if we don’t stand up for ourselves, who the hell will?
The thing is, no matter how much of a smart-alec I think I am and being a tad too optimistic, when it comes to walking the talk, it’s just not the same. Advice is cheap, whether it’s offered to others or myself. Sure, I’ll take my own advice, but only with nods from the back of my mind — not all the way into action — because at the back of all the super positive, can-do mindset, I have to deal with the real world.
As of today, enough is enough and I will shape my real world and trust that I will survive the selfish disappointment of those I have served instead of growing into myself.
Most times they chose to stay not because they learned how to accommodate and adapt to the insecurity, self-centeredness, dominance, and control in that environment. They sacrificed for the goods of others.
Walking out of a toxic relationship is a piece of cake, right? I can even lick the whipped cream frosting off it on my way out. Who wants to put themselves through unnecessary heartbreak?
Ask any victim and you’ll find out that most times they chose to stay not because they learned how to accommodate and adapt to the insecurity, self-centeredness, dominance, and control in that environment. They sacrificed, nobly they thought, for the goods of others.
Maybe their kids — the separation is going to tear them apart; or their parents, who always get the help they needed from their handy partner; or maybe the dependent brother or sister who has that one “real adult” to look up to, or that sweet aunt Mary who just adores this ‘beautiful couple’ and it would break her heart if something ever happens.
Well, something has happened. Many times in fact over far too many years. My question is why won’t I quit looking outside for answers? I need to stop looking to others to tell me how to live my life or hand me temporary solutions to problems that only came about because I do not trust myself.
And that’s me! Enough is enough I now scream from the proverbial mountaintop. Time to stop asking and admit to myself how I feel, how can I take this, and how much longer I’m willing to live a lie, deriving satisfaction from the smiles on other’s faces except my own.
While all of us have lessons to learn in order to grow and have parts to play to make the world a better place, I realize first I have to guard my space, my world, my heart.