This post originally appeared here on Illumination.
If They Don't Deserve You, Stop Wasting Your Time
People reveal who they are and believe it or not, they’ll let you know if they’re worth your time. Let’s be fair, we’re all busy. We have our little universe to rule. Perhaps you think yours is small, but it’s by no means insignificant. That’s why it’s important we deal appropriately with dawdlers who get into our space and hijack our time.
My universe is vast, not in terms of size but of importance. Call me selfish, but I don’t see that to be a bad thing. Prioritizing self and building a solid foundation for my life is a healthy pursuit. Besides, when I feel good about myself, I’m in a better position to be of service to the world.
Relationships are an enormous deal for me. I care about people. That’s why I’m on high alert when some imposing personality type enters my space and demands my energy without reciprocity. These are the ones who love bickering, who think everyone should change except them, are full of drama, and can’t have a normal conversation without all hell breaking loose.
These are the types who unashamedly feed on others’ willingness to listen and care for them. Every session with them leaves me exhausted and overwhelmed until I’ve decided I don’t need that kind of toxicity in my life. Learning to spot them from afar saves me a great deal of unnecessary emotional stress and helps me regain control of my schedule.
These are leeches who suck on others to feed their emotional demands. They never accept responsibility for any issue or fault, flailing in and out with their emotional and dramatic behavior. These are unhappy campers who wear victimhood like it’s a warm fuzzy coat.
— purposefullifenow.com
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Photo by Asad Photo Maldives from Pexels
Leeches are not friends, they are parasites
People are exactly how they are. If they decided for a minuscule moment they wanted to change, they will. And it’ll be obvious because positive energy is contagious. It makes us want to jump in on the wagon with them.
Far too often, I’ve stuck around thinking that a certain friend, family or coworker is in a tight spot and the least I could do is show some compassion, lend a helping hand, a listening ear, or offer hospitality without grumbling, so they’ll have a place to wallow, lash out, bicker and unload whatever that’s bothering them. A little kindness goes a long way, right?
But if that’s all they do, all the time, every time, we need to recognize them for who they are. These are leeches who suck on others to feed their emotional demands. They never accept responsibility for any issue or fault, flailing in and out with their emotional and dramatic behavior. These are unhappy campers who wear victimhood like it’s a warm fuzzy coat. This is not the time to be friendly, it’s time to flee.
What separates time vampires from the rest of the crowd is that they feel no shame or remorse for taking advantage of others and their time for granted.
— purposefullifenow.com
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Photo by Asad Photo Maldives from Pexels
Notice when it’s time to run
They always feel they have something important to say but lack the audience, so they stalk their victims like a hunter. They make snap judgments that are unfair and offer generalized perceptions about issues and people that make me uneasy. I get that people are different. Something to someone is something else to another. It’s absolutely fine that they disagree, but taking up precious time to bitch about others and going on forever with who, what, when and how on issues that do not have any dramatic impact on our lives is more than I can handle. It’s time to set them straight.
Genuine problems exist and I appreciate having a friend who can validate my feelings and let me know it is okay to feel a certain way, no matter how crazy it is. However, not everything is a red flag and some people are good at disguising and controlling their uglier side. That makes them responsible humans. I have learned to detect the difference.
After a while, certain characteristics will stand out and all the small hints will add up. It will become clear when the person isn’t dealing with the issue at hand, but instead, they’re using me as a channel to make them feel good. Look, dear valuable friend, family, coworker, if you do not value my time, I would like to free up the spot to focus on someone or something that genuinely needs my attention. Can we all please move along?
Original Photo by Maria Orlova from Pexels
It’s time to slay the time vampires
What separates time vampires from the rest of the crowd is that they feel no shame or remorse for taking advantage of others and their time for granted. Sometimes it made me wonder, don’t these people have anything to do or someplace else to go? Why would they invest so much time in trivial activities that do not contribute to their personal development?
Okay, maybe I’m weird because I’m passionate about personal growth and maybe it’s not a thing for everyone, that’s fine. I completely embrace the fact that variety is the spice of life, including people. Time is valuable and when I give others a piece of my life that I can never get back, it had better be worth it.
I can genuinely feel happy for you, even if I can’t relate to what you’re experiencing because positive vibes are lighter and easier to channel. It’s a whole different ball game with the needy and thirsty time vampires who suck up my time and who are indirectly hinting that my time is less valuable than theirs.
I have to admit, saying no does not come easy for me. I struggle with knowing that my words and actions affect other people. However, rather than absorbing their negative energy, I’d rather spit it out in the open and let them know I’m not interested to hear any gossip or be a part of any drama. Period. They can take it however they want. They’re better off without me, really because I won’t be a good listener in that setting.
What kind of people actually deserve my time?
There are a handful of elevated human beings that I enjoy spending time with. These are the people whom I admire and from whom I can learn. And you know what else? You can easily recognize them in your circle because they rarely see the need to shine the spotlight on themselves. They generally have a good aura around them.
This kind makes an effort to spend time with me and they let me know in no uncertain terms that they value my company. Isn’t that what relationships are all about, making time for someone and letting them know they’re important to you?
Whenever we meet, it doesn’t always have to be about them, and they’re okay with that. Most times it’s cool to just hang out and do nothing — no bitching, no bickering, no self-loathing, just good clean fun.
The best thing is they don’t fake it. The world is not the completely dark place that some imagine. Some people genuinely care about us, we just have to notice. Life gets better with them around.
Of course, I can’t control who enters my life and neither can you, but we can decide who gets to make a home in our hearts. Let’s take the time to nourish the relationships that lift us and be conscious to walk away from those that drain us. Your physical and mental health will thank you for it.
