This post originally appeared here on Medium.
Stop Getting Angry And Take Back Control
I get angry and frustrated. I’m not proud of myself, yet it happens. I accept that this is a completely natural reaction to unpleasant circumstances but I try to disassociate myself from this term as much as possible.
People’s behavior impacts how I feel and how my day goes. I know it shouldn’t be that way, but unless I pack and move to a remote island, I will have to deal with other human beings.
As I look back on all the times when something ticked me off, I realize that most people are not out to get me. Most of them probably already have problems on their own, and the way they behave is just a form of release. They needed an outlet.
It was just unfortunate that when it happened, I was in their way for whatever reason. One time, a guy got mad at the barista because she got his order wrong. He yelled at her, turned around, and bumped into me spilling coffee all over myself. A classic example, right? Before I had time to react, he was out of the door.
Everyone is responsible for themselves. I need to hold myself accountable for how I behave and how I respond because it reflects who I am. It does not help for me to say that I behave poorly because someone made me.
— Esther George, Purposefullifenow.com
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Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom from Pexels
Another time, I was exiting the commuter rail station heading down a crowded stairway. The guy behind me got impatient. He mumbled something, pushed past me, and made his way through the crowd. My heel slipped and I almost fell down the stairs.
What should I do? Smile and yell ‘good morning?’
There were times I allowed events like these to ruin my entire day. My mind will replay the unpleasant incident with what I could have said or done differently. After a while, it hit me. This is a one-off incident. Why am I obsessed over this person and what they did when it’s unlikely I’ll ever see them again?
My mental health is important and going crazy over things that are out of my control does not help. I know the saying that people’s behavior reflects who they are and that it has nothing to do with me. It’s obvious by the two examples above. Why do they act that way? Obviously, they are having a bad day and if I give in to the bad vibes, what does that make me?
I try, I said try — not to take things personally these days. After all, people will get in my way and I have to remind myself that it’s not about me. Some people are just jerks and odds are, we’re surrounded by them. The question is, what will we do about it?
How we think shows through in how we act. Attitudes are mirrors of the mind. They reflect thinking.
— David Joseph Schwartz
The older I get, the more I realize I don’t like to get into a fit all the time. It’s not good for my system. Whoever plays the jerk for the day — a boss, a friend, or someone on the street, having internal self-awareness helps me recognize and deal with the issue. It’s mostly about my perspective and rarely about them.
When I was younger, I would resort to spewing my venom because it definitely makes me feel better. But that tactic has its downside. I can’t help feeling lousy after reacting inappropriately, especially in public. Unless I’m able to hold it down long enough to come home and scream into my pillow. Otherwise, that’s not much of a help for me.
I decided to work on ways to keep the focus back on myself and to save my sanity.
Keeping the focus on yourself
I’ve gotten over the fact that I’m not the center of the universe. Although at times it may seem as if everyone is out to offend me, I choose to believe that it’s nothing personal. If I get mad because somebody said or did something that makes me feel like garbage, does it justify if I turn around and do the same?
It’s like saying, ‘You’re a jerk for misbehaving, so I’ll be a jerk to even the score.’ How about that? It doesn’t cut it. Now, I realize this approach is highly subjective and some people may not be comfortable with this and it’s fine. I’m an introvert and this works better for me than to launch a counterattack, which on many occasions made me feel worse than before. I’d rather just walk away and not let their bad attitude affect me.
Original Photo by Meruyert Gonullu on Pexels
Practicing the art of compassion
Everyone has issues we don’t know about. If I take pride in how far I’ve come in my personal growth journey, chances are not everyone is at the same level. Dealing with self is no laughing matter, and it takes a great deal to handle your own demons. Not everyone is ready for that and some take longer than others. Whatever it is, I need to have compassion for others because I remember I wasn’t born an angel. I have flaws too.
Everyone is responsible for themselves, so I’m in no position to judge. If this is the case, then I need to hold myself accountable for how I behave and how I respond because it reflects who I am. It does not help for me to say that I behave poorly because someone made me. This doesn’t mean I condone, but I can accept where the other person is coming from, and therefore rise above the drama.
Recognizing that the world is a reflection
I believe that our predominant beliefs dictate our reality. I have tried in vain to change my world because my thoughts are out of alignment. I used to believe that the world is a cruel and unjust place, and I looked for evidence to substantiate that belief.
What we probably don’t realize is that we’re shaping the world through our conscious and unconscious thoughts. Life is neither fair nor unfair. It just is and whatever we’re experiencing is merely a confirmation of our thoughts. To improve our conditions, we have to examine what we’re thinking about.
I do that a lot these days. If I get mad or unhappy about some issues, I ask myself why I’m feeling that way. What was it in me that triggered the reaction? And more often than not, the answer is always directed back to me.
At the end of the day, I want to believe that with all the time invested in self-improvement, the result should be a better version of a human being who does not indulge in unnecessary suffering.
Only we can decide how we want our life to be. If we’re not happy with what we see, it’s probably time to make a change. Guess what, there’s no better time to do that than right now.
