This post originally appeared here on Illumination.
I Fell In Love With Someone I Met Online
Cyberspace has opened a whole new door in the world of dating and relationships. While the debate about online infidelity rages, I approach this from a different direction. I more than fairly categorize my experience as a virtual connection rather than an affair.
What is it about cyber relationships that make them so attractive? Just like any other woman, if I’m going on an actual date, I would usually dress to impress. But an online date requires none of that hassle. I only have to prepare to respond intellectually — to share my personality through the exchange of thoughts, feelings, and words. Express to impress. Whether feelings and thoughts can adequately establish a real love relationship really depends on what I expect out of that connection.
I would say that a person’s intellectual capacity plays a significant role in this aspect. There’s something about two people exchanging intelligent conversations in a nonrestrictive manner that would otherwise be difficult in an offline relationship. That turns me on. This two-way-street, in which the woman may freely express all aspects of herself, whether or not heteronormative, divinely feminine, or divinely masculine, is uncommon in the patriarchal society where I reside.
Since intelligence and a great sense of humor are both engaging features in any type of relationship, possessing these qualities certainly makes an online partner appear more attractive. Although this may be an illusion, it plays out as an advantage. Would it be fair to assume that those involved in online relationships are more likely to be of above-average intelligence? I’ll leave that for you to decide.
The act of making up or breaking up with no strings attached makes online conversations and connections so exhilarating and extremely satisfying between two individuals.
It seemed ridiculous that I would even consider committing myself to someone who lived thousands of miles apart, and one whom I would likely not meet, but that possibility makes it even more flattering. What more if that person ticked all the right boxes — charming, handsome, educated. Would you demand complete authenticity from an online relationship, one that you clearly know may likely not enter the real world? I am more than willing to compromise the minor details because he is a magnet that drew me in more by the day. It was a blissful, heady stimulation. Sapiosexuality is hot!
Online relationships can evoke a shiver of excitement activated by intense emotion. The absence of any practical considerations enables me to go with my emotional drive and instinct. I am led to follow my heart more easily as it carries a lesser weight of consequences because one party is not liable for the other’s needs, unless, of course, if they so choose. This usually comes under free will instead of a bound responsibility, as one would expect from a physical romantic relationship.
The act of making up or breaking up with no strings attached makes online conversations and connections so exhilarating and extremely satisfying between two individuals. The only element that secures the entire scenario and makes it appear real is the level of engagement and the intense emotions involved. This effect of falling in cyber love is exactly like having your entire body immersed in warm liquid. Time passes so quickly when we engage in private conversations, confiding in each other or just being there, providing emotional support.
I believe every human being needs spiritual resources to deepen our experiences of joy, love, and self-esteem. Cyber relationships connect two people’s hearts and minds, their personalities and characters discounting their physical forms, providing a safe place to share, to open up, and to experience renewing moments that expand beyond the immediate sensory spheres. We are more vulnerable and less limited by the fear of what others think. That explains why even the soberest person can experience intense emotions in a cyberspace relationship.
The emotional engagement has helped me discover myself and what I truly value. Knowing that another person can love and care for me, even if it appears to be illusional, reveals my worth.
My cyber partner and I hardly had any serious conflict in our 15 months together. It beats me how it even lasted that long. What is there to disagree about when there are no practical implications to consider? It’s easier to conclude any matters in the absence of conscious and intentional deliberation. We are so eager to please. Maybe this is what it feels like to live in the moment. Everything about this connection seems so ethereal and ideal.
Of course, all that glitter is not gold because soon his addictive charm unraveled. Cyber emotions play out without the accountability that exists in offline relationships, and there is only so long one can play prince charming. Eventually, we had a taste of what it feels like to cross boundaries. I thought he was a really sweet guy, but then he showed his true colors. The fact that two people are so emotionally engaging makes it difficult to ignore when one party swerves too far off the path, no matter how charming they are.
At that point, I realized continuing that connection would be superficial and the effect would less likely contribute towards any opportunity for my mental and emotional growth, and development. Before it takes a toll on me, I thank him for our wonderful adventure together and agree to part ways. It was fun while it lasted.
While some may question the authenticity and relationship satisfaction in such connections, the individuals involved in such relationships must be able to gauge how much they are expecting out of this. For me, this emotional engagement has helped me discover myself and what I truly value. Knowing that another person can love and care for me, even if it appears to be illusional, reveals my worth. I recognize the extent I’m willing to invest or sacrifice to make it work. It has taught me that I deserve more than the superficial ‘love makes the world go round’ fantasy, especially in real life.
Everyone who crosses our path is here to fulfill a purpose. I’m thankful that he has loved and enriched my life and this connection has definitely helped me emerge as the better, more confident person I am today.
Will I put my emotions on the line again? Well, it depends. If you’re willing to turn on your charm and love me to the moon and back, I might not hesitate to take the ride with you. After all, I don’t believe that love should last forever, so why not enjoy every minute living in the moment? It has been the most exhilarating experience I have ever had, but that was five years ago.