This post originally appeared here on The Masterpiece.
Giving Others The Freedom To Change
You’ve changed. You’re not the same person I knew.
People throw words around without thinking. I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment or otherwise.
Change is inevitable in all spheres of life. Don’t we already know that? We’re experiencing change at rates never seen before. Yet we often underestimate the power of resilience and adaptability.
It’s up to us to take ownership of our growth and ensure we adopt the right mindset that will allow us to shift. That’s the only option.
Acceptance is hard when we hold on too tightly to what was. They say everything happens for a reason. That broken heart, the scar you have to bear, the tears you cried when no one was watching. But what might be the reason? Growth.
— purposefullifenow.com
Everything happens for a reason
While I can accept that everything in life is moving forward, it baffles me that many people still prefer to hold on to what’s familiar and what they feel comfortable with.
Why do we demand and expect others to remain the same?
Why won’t we allow others the freedom to change?
I wasn’t sure how I should respond. There might have been an uncomfortable realization that some aspects of me are no longer the same. But isn’t this the life we’ve agreed to sign up for before we come?
We’re all here to learn, to change, and to evolve.
I realize they’re a lot of things the old me used to enjoy that I would no longer find interesting or deem acceptable. I’m not hysterical about holding on to the promises I made years ago, being young, naïve, and stupid. Time gets the better of me. Just because someone thought that promises should last forever doesn’t mean I’ll join the choir and sing the same song.
Acceptance is hard when we hold on too tightly to what was. They say everything happens for a reason. That broken heart, the scar you have to bear, the tears you cried when no one was watching. But what might be the reason? Growth.
It certainly has been for me. Perhaps fate controls my life, might it even be some mysterious predetermined destiny or even the consequences of a few dirty martini shots with blue cheese-stuffed olives.
Anything can happen when you down these babies by the coupe-full. One thing is for sure, there are no accidents even when it appeared so. The outcome is more of an unexpected gift.
Refusing to allow society to dictate what is acceptable for me means I’ll never have to compromise my self-worth and quality of life.
— purposefullifenow.com
Nothing is permanent
We‘re constantly progressing towards the next chapter of our lives. Some chapters are phenomenal and others leave little to desire for. There are many that I’d like to skip right over. Without fail, every step adds up to the overall journey.
For example, I no longer believe the concept of marriage made in heaven, or even a happily ever after. There’s just too much at stake when we hold a person accountable for a lifelong commitment.
We put so much pressure on ourselves and others. I’ve come to accept that nothing is permanent, that everything is in constant flux.
I’m certainly not imposing my opinion on those who are planning to walk down the aisle; it’s really a subjective matter.
No one should blindly follow the social norm whether it’s right or wrong for the basics of happiness and survival. I accept that happiness requires a sense of personal worth, but that doesn’t mean everyone is heading in the same direction in that pursuit of happiness.
Today I find myself in this tight spot. Despite well-intentioned family and friends, I refuse to go on a guilt trip dragging all the baggage of the past. There are those around me who think a particular way is the only right way but that doesn’t guarantee they have the key to my happiness and success.
I choose to embrace flexibility instead of rigidity, variety instead of deprivation, self-acceptance instead of severe self-judgment, something that my old self would hesitate to commit.
Refusing to allow society to dictate what is acceptable for me means I’ll never have to compromise my self-worth and quality of life.
What if I make a mistake and years later have to confront the ugly statement of ‘I told you so?’ That’s like having one hand on the steering wheel while looking into the rearview mirror. I will miss every great opportunity along the way. Will I allow my fears of what might happen, stop me from moving forward in life? That is no way to live.
Starting a new chapter
I used to get all caught up with the idea that my life should be this show-stopping demonstration of success and inspiration. Regardless of what happens, I must not appear to struggle with juggling the demands of life, and that I always must appear to have my acts together.
I constantly have to battle with the crazy emotions of not feeling good enough to experience the life I desperately wanted. Probably I won’t, no matter what I’m projecting on the outside. But I know if I don’t like how my story is unfolding, it’s my responsibility to change it.
I can’t rewrite life, but I can certainly start a new chapter. I’ve since learned to be at peace and to be okay with what is.
I may not have totally arrived, but there are so many life-changing lessons I’ve experienced along the journey. Arrival at a destination signifies the end, and I’m far from that. There is still so much to discover, so much to learn, so much to own.
Whenever I feel I’ve gone off track, that’s because I’m not clear about whom I am and what I want, not what everybody wants for me. The moment my objectives are clear, the next step of attacking them would be easy.
I might likely walk halfway down that path and decide that’s not what I really wanted, and that’s okay. Everyone can change their minds and choose a different path. Life meets you where you are. If whatever goals you’re pursuing impede your true and authentic self, be willing to let go of that need. Don’t get attached.
There are many stages of transformation, from who I was, who I am evolving to who I shall become. No one will grant me that opportunity, and there will never be a right moment.
I must be willing to grab and go with the opportunities that life presents. Everyone wants the freedom to choose what is right for them.
Of course, it won’t all make sense, but the clock is certainly ticking. I will not continue to use my struggles as an excuse to stay stuck because tomorrow may never come, and today may be all there is. So in the meantime, I keep reminding myself that life is a forward progression. It’s pointless stressing over the past.
Am I going to waste one more year looking back with regret, knowing that I have total control of the present that will determine my future? I’ll take my chances.
To conclude
Perhaps your story is similar. How is it unfolding? This is your life, and it’s totally up to you how you write your story.
It’s time to come to terms that some people may no longer serve you. You have to accept without resentment that they no longer help you move forward in the direction you currently want to go. When that happens, the only logical thing to do is to let go.
I embrace every unfolding event as a mystery and trust that things will play out exactly as they should be. Accepting, and then act. Perhaps it’s because I’ve changed.
That’s okay.
I’m supposed to.
