Happiness… It brings you to mind. I have looked to you for happiness. You’ve helped me progress. Kept me on track. Preserved my sanity.
I thought happiness, my happiness, is in you.
But I was wrong.
It was complex. Yet so elusive. The pursuit of happiness. It’s not something we attain; not even somewhere we arrive. It is, and always has been, within me. And I’ve learned to come back to this natural state.
Like tearing off a band-aid, it is unpleasant yet I must be bold to do what’s best for me. I deserve more.
I get it that happiness is not random, it is a choice.
That voice in my head tells me it’s going to be difficult. But it doesn’t have to be. I have no control over outer circumstances, but I have 100% control over how I react.
I’ll not be proud of default responses. I’ll be intentional. Because I decide how my world will turn out.
I struggle with this but I remind myself how fleeting life is; and how lucky I am. So I quit living in the past and stop anticipating the future. What’s important? The here and now. I treasure the present moment.
I know you had bad days too. I get it and I decide not to take it personally. I accept that everyone is on their journey. Your reality comes from your experiences, many of which probably had nothing to do with me. I’ll consider what you have to say, but I’ll not be ruled by it.
I no longer enjoy the blame game because it does not promise good returns. I take back my power. I focus my time and energy on things that matter.
On my happiness.
On my growth.
On my self.
Sure, we get attached to memories, like an umbilical cord. Too much, that it’s difficult to decouple them. I held onto moments and memories and count them more valuable than what I’m experiencing now. I thought that by getting enough of the right stuff, I’ll be happy. After all, I’ve invested years into them. I want to appreciate, enjoy, or honor those memories. But I forgot to ask if they still serve me?
Just like kitchen utensils stuffed into the bottom drawer, yes… I’m tossing them out. I am choosing to move forward with hope rather than resentment.
I release you off the task of making me happy. It’s not your responsibility. It’s mine. Completely.
I have spent too much time worrying about what everyone thinks. It’s time to live my life. My way. To do what I care about. And I’ll stop underestimating myself. Because that’s not my job. That’s what other people do, and they’re all wrong.
I finally get it. If it’s no longer adding value to my life, they’re weighing me down. They occupy a portion of my daily thoughts, consciously, or otherwise. They drain my time, energy, and inspiration.
So I made the decision. To get rid of them. It’s my time to be happy. Not next year; not when I pay off the house, and not when I retire, but right now. Today.
I feel so much lighter. And happier.
Allow yourself to be happy too. Because you can.